Recently I have started watching Glee because Saira made a comment about a Mos Burger Staff looked like Finn from Glee. Then I had no idea what she was talking about but now, after 11 episodes, I fully understand! haha!
This show has a cliche high school setting but it still managed to play with one's heartstrings. Heart melting yet heart pumping kind of show. Good cast and voices. They can REALLY sing.
Some how after watching many dramas and reading so many mangas I have new found respect for many things. Like for Singers, Dancers, Models and even Chefs. I guess I never took much interest in those areas until I read or watched things about them.
Actually life has become pretty much a routine now for me. I have to admit that I hate it.
Wake up. Brush Teeth. Read Manga. Surf the interest to all the same websites (one manga. mangafox. youtube. secretzen.) Check emails. Check Phone. Council. Watch time fly by and homework still sitting there. E ven though I have this "routine", life still feels chaotic and out of control. Either that or I am just making too many excuses and letting it feel like it's a total wreck.
I recently asked Nut this: "Do you think I have changed?" She said yes.
She's right. For one thing I don't talk to her ask much and I am pretty worried about that. I don't want to lose a friend. But at the rate I'm going with the whole self conflict I don't think I might have any left.
I tell everyone the same thing that I myself am getting pretty sick and tired of hearing those words escape my lips. "I don't know...I feel like I am distancing myself from others. I don't smile as much as I used to."
WHY?!
Or maybe I was always like that and now the facade is slowly crumbling down, reducing to dust leaving me defenseless and weak.
Ha. I am truly a wreck.
Hopefully after all the events like OBS and Sec One Registration I will be able to grab hold of my life and actually make it normal again.
If this is a phase I hope it dies off soon...
MAN THIS POST IS SO EMO! >.< haha!
6:17 AM
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Lord in heaven I pray for your guidance. I pray for your Holy Spirit to descend upon me and everyone around me. May it lead me, support me, hold my hand, prompt and guide me.
Let me be that instrument of peace and love to everyone. Let me be able to sing your praises now and forever.
Amen.
God is good.
He truly is.
He has touched many of my friends during camp and even me. During camp I felt very small compared to the others. They were so intoned with the Lord's callings that I almost felt like something was wrong with me. Did I not turn on my internal satellite? Was that why I couldn't hear and receive the Lord's message? People had tongues. People were slane. I just felt cold...I sort of forgot to bring my jacket...-.-" But seriously, it was a very cold feeling.
I felt very numb and filled with anger. Some felt the same. Then I suddenly realised I was being selfish...I was being greedy. I kept thinking of the past and how I could change it so that I would benefit me in the future... I never thought about "TODAY". God is constantly trying to call me but I am too busy to answer his call. The reason I can't hear him is because of this "past and future" mindset.
I don't need something big like the gift of tongues to tell me the Holy Spirit and that God is present. All I need is the simpler things.
For example I am rushing to church and I am already late. When I reach the bus stop the bus stop that brings me to church immediately appears.
These little signs are all I need.
The Lord works in mysterious ways. I just pray I will be able to see them and not be blind to these callings.
My heart yearns for love and acceptance. It yearns for it so much that it hurts. I keep trying to make others love me and hopefully accept me that I stubbornly ignore the Lord's voice.
"I love you. I always have and always will."
I finally hear it, and it feels great...
Praise the Lord. Alleluia.
6:06 AM
Clara. what sound does a camera make? says: anyway what did you want to share today you can share to me Clara Tee: If i kept looking straight I might not get distracted by the things at the sides...haha! says: the testimony? Clara. what sound does a camera make? says: yup Clara Tee: If i kept looking straight I might not get distracted by the things at the sides...haha! says: well I wanted to actually ask everyone to pray for me. Because of school and everything I felt very confusion and stressed to the point that I wanted to distant myself from everyone lest I hurt someone in my anger... Then because of this feelings I felt tired...like emotionally and physically that I just wanted to rest on sunday. But had cath class... I hated cath class... then I realised that reaching God was a hard journey and I can't do it without help...so I wanted to apologize to everyone for misjudging them...in someway I was jealous of their strong faith... So I was hoping I could become part of that community and together we can reach that same place: In God's loving embrace. (: Clara. what sound does a camera make? says: aww nice everyone would be amazed by your sharing
Clara Tee: If i kept looking straight I might not get distracted by the things at the sides...haha! says: haha! Clara. what sound does a camera make? says: seriously im not kidding Clara Tee: If i kept looking straight I might not get distracted by the things at the sides...haha! says: ya...I don't really try to "shine" in cath class... thanks dude. (: Clara. what sound does a camera make? says: its not abt shining its about SPREADING the love of God Clara Tee: If i kept looking straight I might not get distracted by the things at the sides...haha! says: AMEN!
5:59 AM
Friday, October 16, 2009
You know he truly loves you when he is willing to get down on his knees just to help you tie your shoelaces.
I just sent my parents off to their pilgrimage in Europe along with my brother and sister. At the airport my mother's shoelaces just kept coming out and she would cry out to my father for assistance and in a split second he gets down on his knees and helps her tie it. Twice.
It's sweet to know that they love each other that much. A simple thing like tying your spouse's shoelaces is actually quite romantic. Like everyone in the room disappears leaving you and your love as you tie their shoe...haha! Drama drama drama. (:
Examinations are almost over, only left with Biology and AEP. One word...AWESOME! After exams means the usual ritual of pigging out and no caring for a thing in the world. Except for all the coming trips: Chiang Rai and OBS.
Chiang Rai update Because I'm going to Chiang Rai I probably can't go for a job attachment which is very sad! I heard from a teacher that I might be attached to a lawyer! but priority is given to those who are not going to Chiang Rai as there was a poor response from the companies to help in the job attachment programme. And I need to take 2 jabs. Ouch. One for flu and another for malaria.
OBS I had promised myself that I would not complain doing the whole of OBS, maybe silently to myself but no one else. Unless I broke my leg or something, then I think that is an exception. I will be screaming bloody murder if that helped! I have quite a low trash hold for pain...but i still wanna pierce more ear holes! haha!
7:18 AM
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Last Saturday I went out with my sister in hopes that we could watch "Ugly Truth" together. Just to let you know: The show was NC16. I'm still 15, so I think you probably know how this is going to turn out.
We were hoping that they wouldn't get my IC, but they did, because the guy that the counter was a newbie. The manager was right there so obvious he had to stick by the rules and ask me for my IC. I was so sad! My sister too because we already bought the popcorn and the ticket already. So we just acted innocent and got a refund...but still sad...
So we went to Sushi Tei to drown our sorrow with awesome sushi! haha! We rented some movies after that to make up for the 'sad' disapointing day we had...
Moving on.
These few days I have been slacking! I kept taking naps and prayed that I would wake up like I planned too, but it was horrible! I keep setting the alarm clock to the wrong time or i forget to even turn the alarm on in the first place. I am a true example of an epic failure. -.-" haha!
But Exams are just next week so I don't think I should sleep much now. Must study my butt off! (: okies. going to sleep now. Was high on tea so could not sleep early...haha! (:
9:11 AM
Friday, September 18, 2009
School is finally over! Awesome! (:
Today ended pretty fast actually. Started of with Literature in the computer lab, I think Miss Teo has finally got the hang of teaching us. She knows that my class is the 'copy everything' sort of class, so when she wants to make a point she covers the book and talks. Hehe!
Then had Social Studies. Miss Seet always seems to be very animated! Lame but hilarious! (: And apparently I was one of the few who did not know this joke: "What is Happy's surname?" Yup the answer is: Lee (Happi-ly)-.-" Lame but the rest of the class seemed to know it. haha!
Then we had recess! Haha! Regina, Cherie and I went to the library as normal. (: Then Cherie told Regina the super funny event that happened yesterday: While I was talking to Aunty Esther about the 155th Anniversary for the school, Cherie was waiting for me and finished a plate of rice (this is pretty rare cause she gets bloated pretty fast) and was munching on a power bar when I returned. Then the bad news was...THERE WAS BANANA CAKE! hahaha! That was Cherie's weakness! haha! So she was contemplating whether to buy one, then she whined and said "I feel like I am turning into a monster!" *munches on bar*
haha! Cherie is so cute! I mean 'pretty' (Inside joke)
Then the day continued with English at the computer lab for the first period and then the library for second. haiz...Good books are hard to find...OH and I had my "after recess" recess in the toilet... I had to do h/w during Recess so I ate in the toilet during English -.-" haha!
Then Amaths! It was super slack because almost 3/4 of the class had their MT prelim paper.
O.o O levels are coming really fast...
Then had QA revision with Mrs Tay at 3/3's class. Was sitting behind Toh Toh and Pinkie and laughing with Regina and Pamela. We wanted to sneak out to go back to our classroom, but we stayed and was slowing dying of boredom...haha!
THEN 1.35 came and...WE WERE FREE! MUAHAHAHAHA!
Yup Yup. That was the days events. Then I had CCA and that is the last of it! (LAST DAY OF CCA ROCKS!) but today's session was fun (:
Tuition update
Ok. For the past few weeks/months I have been thinking about quitting Chinese tuition as I thought my results already sucked, so why bother spending money when I will never improve?
Apparently God heard my cries and fickle minded thoughts (Because I was hesitating on whether to quit because I am the usual scared-y cat...) Because when I went for tuition yesterday I was the only one that went. All three boys did not show up for their own separate reasons, thus leaving me with lao shi...alone.
For that 1 1/2 hours we talked about how to improve my chinese and how to manage my time.
It was like an epiphany.
I realised that I have been playing councilor-patient by myself this whole time: I kept thinking about my problems and I know the 'model answer' to all of them but I never seem to be able to carry out the solutions...I am a lazy bum in other words, that's why I am so far behind in my studies.
Summary: I complain more than I study. Done.
5:34 AM
Monday, September 14, 2009
"Rap is alive, music is dead. That's all I have to say, now I'm going to bed" Nigahiga
